Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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