remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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