"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
