I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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