In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
