Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
ttyl tear gas
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
