with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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