WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
