can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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