Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
