The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
