Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
