Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
