it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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