it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
