Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
