If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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