This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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