you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
