So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
