I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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