dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
