is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
