All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
