I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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