Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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