I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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