You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
