dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
