Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
