kristin has been a bad kristin
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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