He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
