glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
