So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
