we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
