i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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