eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
