grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
