ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
