those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Girls should come with a carfax report
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize