In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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