My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
