were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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