there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can't put those talents on a resume
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
