Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
