i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
