so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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