It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
