We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
