the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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