Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
