I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
