I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
