i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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