I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
