Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
