WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
