Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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