I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
