We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
