Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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