what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
